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A Sample of the C In-class Essay
The following paper is an example of a "C" Essay. The two poems were discussed in class, and the student was permitted to refer to her book and notes. This paper was written under a time restraint of 20 minutes.
QUESTION: Explain how possessiveness is a theme in Robert Browning's two poems, "Porphyria's Lover" and "My Last Duchess."
The women in the poems "Porphyria's Lover" and "My Last Duchess" share many similarities. First, the women are alike in that they both love their husbands. Porphyria love her husband and takes care of him. The Duchess tries to please the Duke, but he only wants to control her. Second, the women are alike because they were both senselessly killed. Porphyria's lover kills her because he wants to preserve her for him. The Duke kills the duchess because she annoys him and because he does not trust her. Finally, the women are similar in that their lovers never show any remorse for killing them. Porphyria's lover believes that he was right in killing Porphyria because God never physically tells him otherwise. The Duke doesn't show any remorse because he is in such a powerful position that he can do anything he wants.
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This essay has a few things to commend it. First, the student has used the proper format for the in-class essay. In addition to this, the topic sentences are clearly indicated with the transitions "first," "second," and "finally." Also, the student resisted the urge to add a conclusion to the end of the essay. After the last support sentence, the student stopped, as she should have. However, the essay has shortcomings, some quite obvious.
Thesis statement: The statement does not address the question. The assignment centers on the use of possessiveness in the two poems. The student's thesis statement is about the similarities shared by the two women. Nevertheless, even though the thesis is not exactly on topic, this fact in itself is not fatal to the essay. If the student can prove the thesis well, then the essay will be accorded its just reward based on the merits. The student fails to identify the poet, which is always a good idea when discussing someone's poetry. In addition to this, the thesis statement is rather insipid, even though it is acceptable.
Topic Sentences: The student shows a good understanding of parallel structure, even though she is inconsistent with words or phrases at times. These three sentences are good in that they are reasons for the truth of her thesis statement.
Support Sentences: The support sentences clearly reveal the overall weakness of the essay. These sentences are vague generalities, which are not at all specific. The use of some quotations would have helped the support. However, the student commits a major grammatical error in the third sentence (subject-verb agreement) and uses the contraction, "doesn't." In formal writing, the student should not use contractions at all. The student misuses
the word "physically" in the first support sentence for the third topic. A better word would have been "audibly." Also, the student's consistent failure to put a comma behind the
first sentence of her compound sentences suggests an error in logic and the need for instruction in the use of the comma. The student's exclusive use of a simple-sentence structure makes for monotonous reading.
Since the student does show a good structured argument, even though her support is very weak, the essay is acceptable. Even if the student had used specific support and a more sophisticated writing style, the major grammatical error would have prevented her from receiving a "A." Such is the way of academic writing.
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